I knew this would be the sweetest feeling. To see my babies, hold them & smell them & notice how they’d changed in 2 weeks. I decided while I was away, 2 weeks was too long. And painful. But seriously, mom’s need an f-ing break. A break from making decisions, care taking, and putting herself last every single day. Some say that is exactly what mothering is suppose to be- complete selflessness. But I say- naw-ah. It’s not natural and it’s not sustainable for even keeping a balanced happy or even content house hold. However, it doesn’t seem to matter the amount of emotional support I may have from my partner- those two little powerful beings are with me wherever I go. Mom’s don’t have an off switch. No matter how far they may roam.
And any time I started to feel guilty about my choice to do this trip- without them (not that doing it with them was a choice) I instead tried to focus on how I wanted them to see me and remember me and be influenced by me. I want them to see me making my own creative and self care taking decisions. To see that while of course I love them to the ends of the earth. I’m not only a mother or just a mother. I’m an artist. I’m independent. I know how to travel to far away places and put myself in situations where I don’t know the language even though it unnerves me. Exploring the unknown is essential to me in order to feel alive- I mean, obviously, I had children 😂
It was extremely gratifying to have some separation for a time so I could process all my relationships within our small family unit. I made promises and goals with myself for them all. I put things behind me. Thought about my part in making life hard (stubbornness is one that comes to mind).
My children are little. 2.25 & 4.5. While there is plenty they don’t understand yet, there is also plenty they do. They understand when I am happy and when I am not. For them to see me with my hands in wool, a dye pot, paint every where or knee deep in fabric cuttings- I don’t want to keep it separate from them. I don’t want to make them just like me either but rather give them the space and support in a balanced way to help them develop in the most supportive way I can. In order to do this- I need to go sometimes to something completely different to help me remember why I create what I do.
Thank you Mexico
And
Thank you to my ever supporting partner for being happy for me to take this opportunity.
